canyonwalker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
canyonwalker) wrote2022-01-31 07:19 pm
canyonwalker) wrote2022-01-31 07:19 pm
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Bachelor for 2 Nights
I'm a bachelor for the next 2 nights. Well, not technically. I'm still married. But my wife is away on a business trip, so I'm leading the life of a bachelor tonight and tomorrow night.
Yes, she's back to business travel before I am! Her trip is a company offsite with other senior managers. My first business trip after a 2 year break is still 5 weeks away.
So, what am I doing with my pseudo-bachelor self? Honestly, little different than I'd do if my wife were here. I went shopping at the liquor store after work this afternoon. I was planning on doing that this weekend but the schedule didn't work out. When I got home from that I cooked myself dinner... or should I say, reheated leftovers. Tonight maybe I'll flip on the TV and see if I can find an interesting movie streaming. That's the one thing that would be different from an evening together.
Yes, she's back to business travel before I am! Her trip is a company offsite with other senior managers. My first business trip after a 2 year break is still 5 weeks away.
So, what am I doing with my pseudo-bachelor self? Honestly, little different than I'd do if my wife were here. I went shopping at the liquor store after work this afternoon. I was planning on doing that this weekend but the schedule didn't work out. When I got home from that I cooked myself dinner... or should I say, reheated leftovers. Tonight maybe I'll flip on the TV and see if I can find an interesting movie streaming. That's the one thing that would be different from an evening together.
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I'm really intrigued by what cues I've given, or haven't given, that led you to believe I'm a woman. ...Not that I'm offended; I'm legit curious! Is it because I write about cooking? And don't write about sports?
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Some ideas I've had so far:
*I might have been assuming Hawk to be a boy's name (or nym)? Not that everyone is straight, but a stranger with an (assumed) husband is more likely to be a woman than a man. (I also don't know that I have confirmation that she's your wife, although a quick search of your recent entries does give her a pronoun)
*Related to that, you do tend to write very much first-person, without giving pronouns to yourself or others as often. This isn't a feminine trait, but it is a "don't think about gender" one
*I don't think it's "writing about cooking/not about sports" but I do think it's partly because of the ways you write about media. Maybe I shouldn't assume that only women are discomfited by the overuse of sex (and rape etc) in Game of Thrones?
*More broadly, I think I currently assume all people writing at length on the internet to be women. This is patently absurd for many reasons, not the least of which is that there are absolutely other men on my DW feed whose entries I read, but maybe it's in part because 2/3 of my boyfriends almost never write anything longer than a few tweets, where my girlfriend writes plenty, so the people who are closest to me are only writers if they're female-aligned
*(the above is not aided by lots of time on Ask a Manager, since the author has a policy of referring to unknown people with she pronouns, specifically as pushback to the default/assumed he)
Yeah. Nothing particularly concrete that would give me this impression. Exactly the right combination of not-paying-attention and...something else? I wouldn't be surprised if there was some writing feature I interpret as feminine, although I'm vaguely annoyed at myself for making the assumption.
Anyways. Nice to meet you more! Thanks for keeping an interesting journal.
~Sor
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BTW, Hawk often is assumed to be a guy online. One, her name is seen as masculine— even though hawks, the wild predators, are both male and female. Two, in many forums, the default assumption of male-ness is supported by the fact men are the majority, sometimes the lopsided majority, of participants. And three, she eschews traditional gender norms. You won't see her writing about makeup or shoe shopping (except to complain occasionally how all but a few brands/styles are impractical). Though if you read Ask A Manager (the forum) a lot, you've almost certainly seen her write there.
Finally, I actually agree with your shorthand that anyone writing a blog about themselves— not strictly about external things like books, movies, or sports— is likely female. Writing (or speaking) about oneself requires a willingness to be vulnerable. Expressing vulnerability is very much not a traditional male trait. (I endured frequent finger-wagging about this from acquaintances and even family when I was younger.)
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Except I have decades of experience that show people look at your hair first because I get misgendered *all the time* for male. It doesn’t bother me - people should pay more attention than one trait to figure out who a person is. However, it tells me a lot about the people who misgender me, and most of it is bad. The stuttering and apologizes they give me show very clearly how they hold tight to traditional gender norms.
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