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How We Share Expenses
Nov. 12th, 2022 07:53 amThis month I'm writing a series of blogs on how we split responsibilities and finances in our household. The prompts for this topic are advice articles about family/couples finance I've read in my newsfeed. On the whole I'm unimpressed with the advice peddled by supposed professionals. Some of the suggestions are weak, some are ridiculous, and some are like, "Is this still news? I thought this was news 30 years ago." So I'm sharing what's worked for me/us and what I/we have learned.
This blog addresses the question, "What's a good way for people in a relationship to split expenses?" As you'll see in a moment we've handled that three different ways as our relationship has progressed.
❖ When we were dating we kept our money and expenses separate. That made sense because we were living separately. Rent, utilities, groceries, etc. were separate bills for each of us. (Or were things that we split equitably with our respective housemates.) When it came to dates we took turns paying. That was somewhat avant garde at the time, in the mid 1990s, though our expectation was that it was becoming normal. Surprisingly nearly 30 years later it's not widespread.
Our choice to take turns paying for dates was partly a matter of finances. We were both students on slim budgets, so it made sense to alternate who pays instead of the guy (traditionally) always paying. But it was also key for how our relationship worked. It was important to me in choosing a partner to find a career-minded woman capable of being financially independent. And for Hawk it was important to find a parter who didn't try to take away her independence.
❖ While living together we kept our money separate but shared common expenses. We continued keeping our finances separate while living together. There was no reason to merge them. Rent, utilities, and grocery shopping were common expenses we split. One or the other of us would pay each bill, and we'd even up at the end of the month. I contributed slightly more than half of the rent because my salary was higher. The other common expenses we split 50/50. Things we kept personal were car costs (purchase, maintenance, insurance) and individual meals dining out. When we dined out together we charged those meals to a different credit card we split 50/50 each month.
❖ After we married we merged our finances and began paying ourselves "allowances". Once we got married we turned around the question from "How do we split expenses?" to "How do we split our the money that's left?" It's an idea I got from an older friend who'd been married several years where both partners were professionals with full time jobs. We merged our finances and treat all of our income as joint income. Paychecks go into a shared account. All regular bills get paid out of it. That includes obvious things like mortgage, insurance, and grocery shopping; but also car payments, gas, dining out, travel, and entertainment. Whatever's not spent is transferred to joint savings. The rule is that every expense paid from the joint account has to be mutually agreed upon.
One of those mutual agreements is that we each get an "allowance" of a few hundred dollars per paycheck. We transfer that money to our personal accounts where we each have total individual discretion over how to spend it. This gives us the advantage of managing one set of primary finances, for household expenses and household savings, while having small personal accounts over which each us of has sole discretion.
This blog addresses the question, "What's a good way for people in a relationship to split expenses?" As you'll see in a moment we've handled that three different ways as our relationship has progressed.
❖ When we were dating we kept our money and expenses separate. That made sense because we were living separately. Rent, utilities, groceries, etc. were separate bills for each of us. (Or were things that we split equitably with our respective housemates.) When it came to dates we took turns paying. That was somewhat avant garde at the time, in the mid 1990s, though our expectation was that it was becoming normal. Surprisingly nearly 30 years later it's not widespread.
Our choice to take turns paying for dates was partly a matter of finances. We were both students on slim budgets, so it made sense to alternate who pays instead of the guy (traditionally) always paying. But it was also key for how our relationship worked. It was important to me in choosing a partner to find a career-minded woman capable of being financially independent. And for Hawk it was important to find a parter who didn't try to take away her independence.
❖ While living together we kept our money separate but shared common expenses. We continued keeping our finances separate while living together. There was no reason to merge them. Rent, utilities, and grocery shopping were common expenses we split. One or the other of us would pay each bill, and we'd even up at the end of the month. I contributed slightly more than half of the rent because my salary was higher. The other common expenses we split 50/50. Things we kept personal were car costs (purchase, maintenance, insurance) and individual meals dining out. When we dined out together we charged those meals to a different credit card we split 50/50 each month.
❖ After we married we merged our finances and began paying ourselves "allowances". Once we got married we turned around the question from "How do we split expenses?" to "How do we split our the money that's left?" It's an idea I got from an older friend who'd been married several years where both partners were professionals with full time jobs. We merged our finances and treat all of our income as joint income. Paychecks go into a shared account. All regular bills get paid out of it. That includes obvious things like mortgage, insurance, and grocery shopping; but also car payments, gas, dining out, travel, and entertainment. Whatever's not spent is transferred to joint savings. The rule is that every expense paid from the joint account has to be mutually agreed upon.
One of those mutual agreements is that we each get an "allowance" of a few hundred dollars per paycheck. We transfer that money to our personal accounts where we each have total individual discretion over how to spend it. This gives us the advantage of managing one set of primary finances, for household expenses and household savings, while having small personal accounts over which each us of has sole discretion.
