Less Patience for Sucky People
May. 2nd, 2022 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
canyonwalkerSeveral months ago I wondered if I'd forgotten "how to people". The need to socially distance during the Coronavirus pandemic drastically cut the amount of interaction we all had with other people, particularly in person interaction. Being now 2 years on from that it makes sense that we'd have lost some of the skill and habituation to do it. For sure I seek social time with other people less now than I did before the world changed. Lately I've been considering an alternate explanation, though. It's not that I "forgot how to people"; it's that I've lost patience for dealing with people who suck.
The enforced isolation of the pandemic accustomed me to managing with less social interaction. As things opened back up and I could socialize more I found I didn't really care to. And it's not that I lost interest in socializing. It's that I realized a lot of the people I'd been spending time with were because I felt I had to. They were acquaintances but not friends. Or they were old friends who'd ceasedhaving value being friends. Or they were strangers who were dull or, worse, said obnoxious or offensive things. Prior to the pandemic I'd stick with the conversation out of a sense of politeness. But through the pandemic I found I could just walk away.
I walk away from bad conversations now. I hang up on social zoom chats when they're dull or someone starts acting like an asshole and won't stop when asked, once, kindly. I hang up on phone calls. I'm willing to literally walk away from in-person gatherings. I don't care to "take the good with the bad" anymore. I'll try getting the "good" later, without the bad people around. And if the good people are really any good, they'll understand.
Update: I replaced the phrase "having value" in the second paragraph because it's problematic. It implies to many readers that I view friendship transactionally, as in, "We're friends to the extent that you deliver things of value to me." The thing of value I was talking about is time— as in Warren Buffet's famous advice that the most value thing one person gives another in a relationship is their time. Old friends who are unwilling to spend time with me anymore or who put preconditions on it, such as "If you want to talk to me join up on this new social media app and read my pinned posts first, then we'll talk," are no longer behaving as friends. Friends don't require an application for continued friendship.
The enforced isolation of the pandemic accustomed me to managing with less social interaction. As things opened back up and I could socialize more I found I didn't really care to. And it's not that I lost interest in socializing. It's that I realized a lot of the people I'd been spending time with were because I felt I had to. They were acquaintances but not friends. Or they were old friends who'd ceased
I walk away from bad conversations now. I hang up on social zoom chats when they're dull or someone starts acting like an asshole and won't stop when asked, once, kindly. I hang up on phone calls. I'm willing to literally walk away from in-person gatherings. I don't care to "take the good with the bad" anymore. I'll try getting the "good" later, without the bad people around. And if the good people are really any good, they'll understand.
Update: I replaced the phrase "having value" in the second paragraph because it's problematic. It implies to many readers that I view friendship transactionally, as in, "We're friends to the extent that you deliver things of value to me." The thing of value I was talking about is time— as in Warren Buffet's famous advice that the most value thing one person gives another in a relationship is their time. Old friends who are unwilling to spend time with me anymore or who put preconditions on it, such as "If you want to talk to me join up on this new social media app and read my pinned posts first, then we'll talk," are no longer behaving as friends. Friends don't require an application for continued friendship.
