A Year of Dicks

[canyonwalker]

My spouse got an unusual gift in the mail a few days ago. It was... a year of dicks.



Or, in other words, "NATURE's DONGS 2024 CALENDAR", a calendar with monthly pics of things in nature that happen to look like dicks. With NEW DONGS FOR 2024!

We both got a chuckle as she unwrapped it. But almost as quickly we both asked, "WTF?" And, since there was no return address and no sender note, we wondered who would send something like this.

Hawk has a few friends who make sex jokes about things in nature. It's a long running in-joke among them. Could one of them have sent it? Enh. It would be weird for a close friend not to include a note. Also, IMO, Hawk enjoys that humor less than they do, and they know it.

Hawk has a relative who collects tchotchkes that look like dicks. Could a different relative have made a mistake and sent Hawk a gag gift meant for this other person? We figured likely not. A gift sent by a relative would likely include a personalized note, even if just something teasing like, "I know this is up your alley ❤️🍆🤣."

We quickly discarded these first two ideas. Our next thoughts turned dark. Was this a mean-spirited gift? Was it someone effectively telling Hawk, "I think you are a dick"?

Sadly there are a few categories of people who might send Hawk a mean gift. There are people from her job who dislike her because of things she's had to do as a manager, or refused to do or accept because they're inappropriate in the workplace. Could a coworker or ex-coworker have gotten her address and doxxed her? With dicks? Dick doxxed? Dixxed?

Ditto people in the neighborhood. For example, one of our neighbors blames her for "causing" legal trouble when a member of their family caused property damage over $10,000 and police were involved. Said family member also egged our house and screamed profanities at us once. We thought such things were settled and in the past now, but could this be a resumption of threatening behavior from them?

And ditto some of her net.friends. I don't know that any of them have bad blood with her like that one neighbor does, but there are definitely a few with poor enough social skills that might think this is an appropriate and funny response to her "having been a dick" to them by calling out their poor behavior in an online forum.

But mostly she worried it was a neighbor or (ex)coworker, someone from whom this gag gift was actually an attack— and possibly only the first in a series. 😨

Comments

[some_other_dave]

Well, now I feel bad (again!) for giving you folks the cosetti (the penis pasta) all those years ago. I had thought you would be amused...

[canyonwalker]

We found the pasta amusing. Two key differences: First and most importantly, you clearly gave us that gift. The humor lands differently when it's warmly exchanged instead of sent anonymously. Second, and this is minor but still a factor; the pasta wasn't a thing made to be displayed. It wasn't designed to be hung on the wall and viewed regularly, prompting us to ask every day for a year, "Are these dick jokes still funny?" We put it in the pantry, more or less forgot about it for a few months, then remembered it and had fun trying it once for dinner.

[sorcyress]

My gut instinct is that this is someone trying to be funny/kind and missing the mark, rather than someone actively trying to be malicious, mostly because of the cost involved. Like, if you hate someone and want to tell them they're a dick, downloading pornography and sending it to them unsolicited is free where buying a schlocky "comedy" calendar from Barnes and Noble or whatever requires more sophistication? I don't know.

I hope y'all solve the mystery and it proves to be benign.

~Sor

[canyonwalker]

I agree personally; my sense was it was likely a person we know who thought it would be a joke we appreciated but missed the mark. Hawk's thoughts ran toward the darker end of things because she's a target of unfair questions and expectations right now because of specific goings-on in the macro world right now. I have privilege that allows me to say, "Enh, joke that misfired," while she worries has to consider as legitimate the possibility it's an attack.