A Family Visit Unlike I Expected
Apr. 5th, 2026 11:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
canyonwalkerSpring Family Visit Travelog #10
Getting ready to leave · Sun 5 Apr 2026. 9am.
Today we fly home from visiting my inlaws in Pennsylvania. And this trip has been almost nothing like I planned. Not that I had strong plans; I left things flexible knowing we'd need to play it by ear. But still I came in with a range of expectations... and it's been unlike any of those.
First, and simplest, we didn't go anywhere other than Hawk's parents' place. We'd thought maybe we'd spend a day seeing my mom and youngest sister, or a day visiting our nieces, but none of that worked out. The three nieces I reached out to about meeting up with never responded. Sadly that's what happens most of the time.
Spending the whole week with Hawk's parents wasn't bad. It's just more... limited... than what I hoped for.
So then there's what we planned— or expected— with Hawk's parents. Those plans were largely dashed. I mean, we spent the week with them. In a way that was the most important element of the plan... but it was also merely the baseline.
There were no fancy meals. Hawk's mother is too weak to cook. She can barely even walk to the kitchen, with the help of a walker. I didn't expect her to cook up a storm... but after 30 years of visits where she's practically lived in the kitchen seeing that all her guests are well cared for, it's a different experience being in her house with meals being completely DIY.
Like I said, though, we knew she wouldn't be cooking for us. At least not more than a minimum. We figured we'd take her out to dinner a few times instead. Except even that was a bridge too far. She didn't have energy to leave the house. She gladly stayed home by herself while the rest of us joined family friends for holiday dinner.
Beyond issues of enjoying meals together— again, always a defining aspect of visits to my inlaws— Hawk and I expected that we'd help her parents with preparing to move. Yes, we're already past the first step on the line of "You really need to move out of this house." They've accepted that they need to move out. So we figured we could help them 1) look at retirement homes in the area and 2) clean out the house, especially the basement, in preparation for moving sometime in the near future.
Alas they didn't have energy even to participate in such tasks. Cleaning out the basement requires their active participation, at least to act as deciders. "Keep this, toss that, hold the other thing for now." Triage. But even that was a bridge too far. We tried doing a few cleanup tasks without their supervision, like throwing out expired food from the fridge... but even that resulted in hard feelings! Well, at least Hawk's brother did get her dad to look at one retirement home option. But it seems they did only a cursory look and left with lots of major questions still unanswered. All these will remain tasks for another time.
Speaking of "another time", we're already planning out next trip! MIL's birthday is in late May. We'll sit down with her today and try to map out her treatment schedule to determine which dates would be best for the next visit.
Getting ready to leave · Sun 5 Apr 2026. 9am.
Today we fly home from visiting my inlaws in Pennsylvania. And this trip has been almost nothing like I planned. Not that I had strong plans; I left things flexible knowing we'd need to play it by ear. But still I came in with a range of expectations... and it's been unlike any of those.
First, and simplest, we didn't go anywhere other than Hawk's parents' place. We'd thought maybe we'd spend a day seeing my mom and youngest sister, or a day visiting our nieces, but none of that worked out. The three nieces I reached out to about meeting up with never responded. Sadly that's what happens most of the time.
Spending the whole week with Hawk's parents wasn't bad. It's just more... limited... than what I hoped for.
So then there's what we planned— or expected— with Hawk's parents. Those plans were largely dashed. I mean, we spent the week with them. In a way that was the most important element of the plan... but it was also merely the baseline.
There were no fancy meals. Hawk's mother is too weak to cook. She can barely even walk to the kitchen, with the help of a walker. I didn't expect her to cook up a storm... but after 30 years of visits where she's practically lived in the kitchen seeing that all her guests are well cared for, it's a different experience being in her house with meals being completely DIY.
Like I said, though, we knew she wouldn't be cooking for us. At least not more than a minimum. We figured we'd take her out to dinner a few times instead. Except even that was a bridge too far. She didn't have energy to leave the house. She gladly stayed home by herself while the rest of us joined family friends for holiday dinner.
Beyond issues of enjoying meals together— again, always a defining aspect of visits to my inlaws— Hawk and I expected that we'd help her parents with preparing to move. Yes, we're already past the first step on the line of "You really need to move out of this house." They've accepted that they need to move out. So we figured we could help them 1) look at retirement homes in the area and 2) clean out the house, especially the basement, in preparation for moving sometime in the near future.
Alas they didn't have energy even to participate in such tasks. Cleaning out the basement requires their active participation, at least to act as deciders. "Keep this, toss that, hold the other thing for now." Triage. But even that was a bridge too far. We tried doing a few cleanup tasks without their supervision, like throwing out expired food from the fridge... but even that resulted in hard feelings! Well, at least Hawk's brother did get her dad to look at one retirement home option. But it seems they did only a cursory look and left with lots of major questions still unanswered. All these will remain tasks for another time.
Speaking of "another time", we're already planning out next trip! MIL's birthday is in late May. We'll sit down with her today and try to map out her treatment schedule to determine which dates would be best for the next visit.
