I Walked Out on a Meeting, part 3: Take This Job and Shove It?

[canyonwalker]

Friday midday I walked out on a meeting with my boss and a colleague. The colleague was being disrespectful toward me, even after I told him I found his behavior disrespectful and asked him to stop. My boss had acknowledged the problem beforehand (it's part of a widening pattern) and offered to help address it. But in the meeting he did nothing as it happened again. I told both of them, "I'm done with this [disrespect] for today. Find someone else for this task if you have to," and then walked out. I took a few minutes to convince myself I'd done the right thing with some help from my spouse then circled back around to talk to my boss 1:1 to tell him I need to see significant improvement soon. I didn't explicitly say "Or I will quit" but IMO only a fool would fail to see that was clearly implied.

After that I left for the airport. I had been in Austin for a day and a half of technical training. I was glad I had a built-in excuse not to have to be around my offending colleague or my boss... though I did see my boss briefly outside while we were both waiting for Ubers. I remarked on something he said among a group of us who were waiting there that was unrelated to personnel issues. He didn't engage with me. That made it seem more awkward. Thus I was glad I would have some alone time for the next few hours to process things.

It turned out I had more processing time than I expected. The wifi on my flight back to SJC was busted. With little entertainment to occupy my mind I found myself mulling the situation over again and again. Like I wrote in my previous blog, it was a case of "shots fired". A shot, once fired, can't be taken back. And the shots I fired basically put me on a path of having to leave this company soon. As I considered the prospect of leaving this job in a messy breakup after almost 7 years together I found myself... surprisingly at peace with the situation.

I've written for years now that I've been planning an early retirement. The goal line to cross to get there hasn't been a date but rather a target amount of money in my portfolio. I'm not at my target yet— among other reasons, I've moved the goalposts twice due to inflation— but I'm getting close. And while leaving my job on a sour note isn't how I envisioned starting retirement, neither is having a totally upbeat going-away party with cake and streamers and everybody clapping. Walking out the door by myself while singing the chorus to "Take This Job and Shove It" (Wikipedia link) is perfectly adequate.

Realizing that I already have a post-job (or at least post-this-job) mentality was striking. And it was striking how refreshed I felt. Suddenly none of the things that have been bothering me about the job for... frankly, years... bothered me anymore. Even the most recent problems suddenly stopped bothering me.

• I won't be prepared to deliver an in-person seminar on Wednesday because it was scheduled too soon against my recommendation and the material isn't ready? Fuck it, I don't care if I stand up there and look like an idiot as things fall apart around me. Soon it won't be my problem.


• Getting pushed into starting an evaluation project with a customer prematurely, with expected delivery dates I've advised are almost impossible to meet but have been ignored repeatedly on? Fuck it, I don't care either if the sale slips and people yell at me.


• Another (really weak) deal slips further out because coworkers keep trying to go around me instead of listening to me and believing me when I say what technical things we need to do? Fuck that, too. Their success is no longer my concern.

It's amazing how many problems just roll off like water on a duck's back when you just don't fucking care anymore.

Comments

Re: Why isn't your boss doing his job?

[canyonwalker]

The problem is it's the boss of this other team who's the source of the bad behavior. He's an aggravating person in his own right, and is pushing the people who report to him to behave in aggravating ways, too. And, unfortunately, the guy's bosses love him. They go out of their way to praise his leadership in front of the department.

Re: Why isn't your boss doing his job?

[readingblogs]

That's messed up. Your boss should be shielding you from the jerk's behavior, however beloved he seems to be by their superiors. If you boss tries to address it with his peer the jerk, but it doesn't work, then it is your boss's unfortunate responsibility to bring it up with their superiors. I understand it's scary. Your manager needs to man up. That's a responsibility that comes with the job.

Really you should be a manager, not that a*!@#$%.