My Plan Has Come to Fruition. Why Do I Feel Sad?

[canyonwalker]

I tendered my notice of resignation last week Friday. Before then I was often feeling apprehensive about doing it. Since then I'm just feeling sad.

You might remember me posting this meme a few weeks ago:



It's still a great summary of how I feel. I think of it basically every day. Some days twice or more.

I've been asking myself why. Why do I feel bad when I should feel great because my plan to retire early— a plan I've worked on for decades— has finally come to fruition?

I'll tell you one thing it is not. It is not "Oh, I will miss working." I will not miss working. I will not miss "friends" from work. Work hasn't provided friends for years, just colleagues with whom I have a mutually amiable working relationship. Our common interests end at the end of the workday.

What has me feeling down are the conditions under which I'm retiring. It doesn't feel like a win.

I am not stepping out at the top of my game. (I got virtually none of what I wanted last year.)

I am leaving not with a bang but a whimper.

I am going gentle into the night.