Age Gap Relationships: What's Normal?

When I wrote about age gap relationships yesterday one thing I wondered about is, what's normal? Well, I didn't just wonder. My cursory research turned up at least one reasonable study. "Reasonable", meaning scientifically rigorous and comprehensive. Simply polling people on social media is not rigorous. Even the journalist who basically polled people on social media in the article I wrote about yesterday admitted it doesn't represent reality.

An article I found from a few months ago in Psychology Today cites a recent study on the matter. "Age Gaps in Relationships: What Men and Women Prefer" (29 Jan 2025) cites a study published in December 2024 about the relative ages of partners at the start of relationships. The interesting finding is how the age gap preference changes over time and how it's different for men and women.

The study found that for people beginning a relationship in their early to mid 20s, men on average pair with a partner 3 years younger... and women on average pair with a partner 3 years older. There's a pleasing symmetry to that. And it also matches what I heard, as a matter of pop psychology, when I was in that age group many years ago. Plus, it matches my actual circumstance. My partner and I began our relationship in our early 20s, and I am 2 years older than her. We're right there near the average for our age and gender.

I'll include a summary table here for further illustration:

At age...	Men pick a new partner...	Women pick a new partner...
25	3 years younger	3 years older
30	4 years younger	2.5 years older
40	6 years younger	1.5 years older
50	8 years younger	0.5 years older
60	10 years younger	0.5 years younger
70	12 years younger	1.5 years younger
80	14 years younger	2.5 years younger

Another aspect that interesting about the study is that it showed men's preference for younger partners increased with age. At age 25, men starting new relationships picked partners 3 years young on average. The preference gap increased with each age increment, to an average of 10 years younger at 60 (60yo men picked 50yo partners on average) and 14 years by age 80. I don't have another rigorous dataset to compare this to but I will say it matches pop psychology I'm familiar with that says older men "date younger"— and noticeably so.

The third interesting aspect of the age gap study is that women, too, prefer younger and younger partners as they get older, though the gap in their preference is not as pronounced as it is with men. Women at age 25 prefer to "date older" with new partners, on average, 3 years older. This gap drops to near zero by age 50 and reverses to a "dating younger" in their 60s and beyond. The dating-younger gap for women is only a few years, though; not the 10-14 measured in men.

Driving the Avenue of the Giants

North Coast Roadtrip travelog #3
Redcrest · Sat, 26 Jul 2025, 9am

This morning we got up around 7:30 at our motel in Garberville. The main reason I picked this particular tiny town for Friday night halfway, as opposed to pushing 30-45 minutes further north to a larger town along US 101, was to do a special drive in the quiet hours of the morning today. The Avenue of the Giants.

Watch on YouTube

The Avenue of the Giants begins just north of Garberville and runs 31 miles, roughly paralleling highway 101. But for most of the drive you can't tell that you're close to a major north-south artery with 4 lanes of cars and trucks whizzing past at 65mph. Instead you're on a quiet country two-lane that winds among stately trees that can reach over 300 feet tall. The oldest of these trees are over 2,000 years old; though most of the trees in these groves probably are just 500-700 years old.

We dropped the top on our convertible, cranked the heat (because it's chilly out this morning!), and enjoyed the 360° view.

In beauty I walk. Even when I drive my car.