Age Gap Relationships: What's Normal?
Jul. 30th, 2025 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
canyonwalkerWhen I wrote about age gap relationships yesterday one thing I wondered about is, what's normal? Well, I didn't just wonder. My cursory research turned up at least one reasonable study. "Reasonable", meaning scientifically rigorous and comprehensive. Simply polling people on social media is not rigorous. Even the journalist who basically polled people on social media in the article I wrote about yesterday admitted it doesn't represent reality.
An article I found from a few months ago in Psychology Today cites a recent study on the matter. "Age Gaps in Relationships: What Men and Women Prefer" (29 Jan 2025) cites a study published in December 2024 about the relative ages of partners at the start of relationships. The interesting finding is how the age gap preference changes over time and how it's different for men and women.
The study found that for people beginning a relationship in their early to mid 20s, men on average pair with a partner 3 years younger... and women on average pair with a partner 3 years older. There's a pleasing symmetry to that. And it also matches what I heard, as a matter of pop psychology, when I was in that age group many years ago. Plus, it matches my actual circumstance. My partner and I began our relationship in our early 20s, and I am 2 years older than her. We're right there near the average for our age and gender.
I'll include a summary table here for further illustration:
Another aspect that interesting about the study is that it showed men's preference for younger partners increased with age. At age 25, men starting new relationships picked partners 3 years young on average. The preference gap increased with each age increment, to an average of 10 years younger at 60 (60yo men picked 50yo partners on average) and 14 years by age 80. I don't have another rigorous dataset to compare this to but I will say it matches pop psychology I'm familiar with that says older men "date younger"— and noticeably so.
The third interesting aspect of the age gap study is that women, too, prefer younger and younger partners as they get older, though the gap in their preference is not as pronounced as it is with men. Women at age 25 prefer to "date older" with new partners, on average, 3 years older. This gap drops to near zero by age 50 and reverses to a "dating younger" in their 60s and beyond. The dating-younger gap for women is only a few years, though; not the 10-14 measured in men.
An article I found from a few months ago in Psychology Today cites a recent study on the matter. "Age Gaps in Relationships: What Men and Women Prefer" (29 Jan 2025) cites a study published in December 2024 about the relative ages of partners at the start of relationships. The interesting finding is how the age gap preference changes over time and how it's different for men and women.
The study found that for people beginning a relationship in their early to mid 20s, men on average pair with a partner 3 years younger... and women on average pair with a partner 3 years older. There's a pleasing symmetry to that. And it also matches what I heard, as a matter of pop psychology, when I was in that age group many years ago. Plus, it matches my actual circumstance. My partner and I began our relationship in our early 20s, and I am 2 years older than her. We're right there near the average for our age and gender.
I'll include a summary table here for further illustration:
| At age... | Men pick a new partner... | Women pick a new partner... |
| 25 | 3 years younger | 3 years older |
| 30 | 4 years younger | 2.5 years older |
| 40 | 6 years younger | 1.5 years older |
| 50 | 8 years younger | 0.5 years older |
| 60 | 10 years younger | 0.5 years younger |
| 70 | 12 years younger | 1.5 years younger |
| 80 | 14 years younger | 2.5 years younger |
Another aspect that interesting about the study is that it showed men's preference for younger partners increased with age. At age 25, men starting new relationships picked partners 3 years young on average. The preference gap increased with each age increment, to an average of 10 years younger at 60 (60yo men picked 50yo partners on average) and 14 years by age 80. I don't have another rigorous dataset to compare this to but I will say it matches pop psychology I'm familiar with that says older men "date younger"— and noticeably so.
The third interesting aspect of the age gap study is that women, too, prefer younger and younger partners as they get older, though the gap in their preference is not as pronounced as it is with men. Women at age 25 prefer to "date older" with new partners, on average, 3 years older. This gap drops to near zero by age 50 and reverses to a "dating younger" in their 60s and beyond. The dating-younger gap for women is only a few years, though; not the 10-14 measured in men.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-31 09:18 am (UTC)In my late 50s, I'm married to her...