canyonwalker: Roll to hit! (d&d)
Earlier today I wrote about how I handled leveling up recently in my D&D game. To make training part of the story without bogging down in minutiae— or, as one player put it, using up group time on four solo adventures— I tried giving the players a storytelling prompt. Think of 1 bad thing (challenge, adversity, setback) that happens and 2 good things. With those elements I'd help craft a narrative for each character, à la the "training montage" device you see in a lot of movies.

I'll share two of the montages we came up with. One came from a great prompt response by the player. The other started with a player who wasn't sure what do to, but when I proposed a challenge, rolled with it and created some entertaining roleplaying moments.

Oh, but first here's an update to the picture of the group leveling up:

Corrected: The D&D characters update their character sheets (Apr 2026)

In the previous picture, the party's rogue was actually the spy they captured and killed. "Why's the spy leveling up with us?" players demanded to know. 🤣 AI slop. And while I was prompting AI to correct that I figured, "Herran never goes anywhere without her horse...."

Now for two of the training montages.

The Cleric's Unenviable Assignment 

Hawk led off because she had a pretty good prompt response for her adversity. "Kiarana checks in at the temple of her faith... and the high priestess there is a Berenar!"

House Berenar is the ruling family in the realm. The party has gotten itself associated with House Tashara, who are ruling coalition partners. While these noble houses are partners there's also rivalry. Think of it like the Montagues and the Capulets... or, as one player calls it, the Harkonnens and Atreides. In the most recent adventure the party killed a member of House Berenar who organized an attack against them. Berenar couldn't punish them directly for that, since the party's actions were lawful, if grim; but members of House Berenar have learned about it and are hostile.

Kiarana given scut work at the temple (Apr 2026)

So Kiarana faced a hostile local leader in her faith. She was assigned scut duties for her training in the temple. That meant, for example, ministering to the poor in Fisherman's Bottom, a seedy district of town authorities are happy to ignore. But that was also really cool because it gave me a place to set the hook for the next adventure, which takes place in Fisherman's Bottom.

The Mage's Strict Tutor

J., playing the mage, was unsure what to use as an adversity element. "Maybe it's hard finding a tutor because they don't like where I'm from," he wondered.

"How about this," I shot back. "You find a tutor easily, and she respects your educational pedigree. She even knows of your first mentor by reputation and is impressed. She adds historical context that you're eager to learn. But she's strict and won't teach you the spell you most want to learn, Fireball."

When your mage tutor is strict... (Apr 2026)

J. accepted the idea but kept trying to write Fireball on his spell list. I kept reminding him that his tutor refused to teach him that spell. I had fun roleplaying this impromptu NPC as something of a female Severus Snape. She snapped at J. not only about the fact that he'd learn Tiny Hut instead of Fireball but verbally slapped him each time he acted indecisive or forgetful.

BTW this picture I created on my own, no AI, using a found image for a stern-looking woman wizard and adding my own text.

BTW2, when I was roleplaying with J. his harsh task-mistress I didn't just snap at him in character. At one point when I proposed a self-serving trade to him and he worked out that it was an unfair deal, I coached him that he could push back against her. "No," J. said dejectedly, "That'll just make things worse." 😂

canyonwalker: Roll to hit! (d&d)
We played my D&D game again today. At this point the group completed the original adventure I planned, The Collector's Menagerie, and the encore adventure, Escorting the Caravan. (The latter is involved a hobgoblin ambush, an epic horse chase through the badlands, a moment when the mage almost bought the farm, and meting out harsh frontier justice.) But still the players wanted more! This is turning into a campaign— which is emphatically not what I planned, but as long as everyone's enjoying it I'm willing to go with it.

What's the difference between an adventure and a campaign? Frankly, it's spending a lot of game time on bookkeeping.

For these single adventure games I've done a few strategic things to reduce the propensity to get bogged down in bookkeeping work. D&D is a crunchy mechanics game, so it's an easy trap to fall into. Character sheets have loads of detail. I short-circuited a lot of that decision making up front by providing pre-generated characters for the players. I put thought into preparing those characters, making them all interesting and worth playing. The players all found characters they were happy to play.

To reduce the ongoing drag friction of a crunchy-rules game I do things like hit the "easy" button on encumbrance. In fact I purposefully keep gear lists short, not listing every last coin or piece of chalk people have, to head off getting bogged down in inventory management.

And when the group hits a city and wants to buy and sell items, I short-circuit the literal hours that can be burned trying to roleplay bargaining for the absolute best prices by suggesting they hand off that work to an NPC and we just focus on the narrative rather than the minutiae.

And yet....

The D&D group spends time leveling up (Apr 2026)

By growing from "Adventure" into "Campaign" one of the things that gets added in is Leveling Up.

It's a classic good news, bad news situation. Good news: the characters everyone has enjoyed playing have earned enough experience points to go up a level. Going up a level means more abilities, more bonuses, new spells, etc. Huzzah!

Bad news: Leveling up means lots of bookkeeping. Players have to comb through their character sheets, identifying what needs to be updating, then cross reference with rule books, whether digital or old-fashioned paper— often both!— to research the options and choose from among them. Skills points had to be allocated, added up, and their math rechecked. Feats had to be chosen. New spells had to be selected. Oh, and there there still all the loot from the last adventure that had to be divvied up!

We spent more than half of today's D&D session leveling everyone up. And that's even after I got everyone's buy-in ahead of time that we would work to keep it simple.

Update: Players pointed out to me that the guy in blue is actually the spy the group captured and killed. 😨 I prompted AI to fix the picture. The result is in a new blog about leveling up.


canyonwalker: Cheers! (wine tasting)
Last night I wrote about finishing off two bottles of booze in my out-of-control collection. I suggested that the next bottle I'd knock out would be San Matias Extra Añejo. Well, that was an oversight. While I really dig that tequila and wouldn't mind finishing it off, the discipline I'm practicing right now is to finish off bottles that are almost empty. San Matias is still over half full. What is/was almost empty? Espolón Añejo.

I recently finished my bottle of Espolón Tequila Añejo (Apr 2026)

I poured the last shot and a half for a nightcap drink on Friday.

With this I have now cleared out three bottles this week. Three! Three bottles of booze. It makes me feel like this:

Three! Three bottles of booze. Ah-ha-ha-ha! (Created via Google Gemini, Apr 2026)

OMG, I can't believe Google Gemini let me make a Sesame Street cartoon about booze! 😳🤯🤣

I am sure that 6 months ago it would have refused, offering me an explanation about copyrighted property, blah-blah-blah. Our future AI overlords are getting bolder.


canyonwalker: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Travel! (planes trains and automobiles)
Hawk and I have finished planning our first "real" retirement trip. I quote real because while we have taken all of two trips since I retired just over a month ago, neither of them really took advantage of the fact I'm retired

  • Our trip to visit her parents last week we planned before I retired, before I was 100% certain of being retired by that point. It fit within the normal working stiff schedule of weekend to weekend. I figured I'd take a week off for it if I was still working. I had no other time off planned since the start of the year.

  • Our wildflower trip earlier in March was only a weekend-sized trip. We could have done it while still employed, going on weekend. The only difference being retired made was that we traveled Wed-Fri instead of Fri-Sun, enjoying fewer crowds at the parks we visited.

Anyway, my first real post-retirement trip is planned now, for later this month. And it's to... Ohio.

Things to do in Ohio: 1. Leave (from The Simpsons, ep. 7.24)

Yes, the Ohio that's best summed up by this classic clip (above) from The Simpsons.

So, what's in Ohio? I mean, that we care about? Waterfalls! There are waterfalls in Ohio, and that's why we're going.

I was inspired a few weeks ago when I clicked through a news article with a title like, "Here are 5 places to visit in the Midwest that aren't soul-suckingly bleak!" One of them is a state park outside of Columbus, Ohio, with a bunch of waterfalls. We used that as the kernel of an idea to find several days worth of fun hiking we can do in the region and booked a trip for 6 days.

We fly to Columbus next week Thursday.

canyonwalker: Mr. Moneybags enjoys his wealth (money)
I finished my taxes today and filed the returns. I'd actually mostly finished 2 weeks ago— hooray for getting my 1099s in a timely fashion this year!— but held off until now just in case one of my banks that sent a 1099 on time for once followed up with a corrected 1099, late. 🙄 And they still could, but at this date I feel the chance is low enough to move forward.

This year is the 13th year I've filed my taxes with the help of Intuit TurboTax. At least I think it's 13 years. I keep track mostly by making new Batman-slaps-Robin memes every year, and last year was 12 years. 🤣 Speaking of, here's my latest, even newer than the one I created last month:

After years of an abusive relationship with Turbo Tax I've learned to live with it (March 2026)

Why the Batman-slaps-Robin meme? It's because I've always had a love-hate/abusive relationship with TurboTax. TT wronged me in the distant past. I tried to leave but found it was harder going it alone than dealing with a partner who'd never have an adult conversation with me about Passive Activity Loss Limits or the Foreign Tax Credit. So I returned to TT's bitch-slapping arms, taking steps to protect myself and knowing I'd have to sneak around to get my fill of adult conversation. (Bonus meme links: My 2024 edition, 2023, 2022, 2021.)

This year TT had some new abusive topics for me. "IS THIS A QUALIFIED SECTION 199(a) BUSINESS?" it demanded. "YES OR NO?" I couldn't file my forms without answering the question. There was no option for "Help me choose" or "WTF is a qualified Section 199(a) business, anyway?" Years of practice in this relationship gave me confidence do dodge over to another browser window, search on the topic, check sources to support the AI powered answer, and then smoothly tell TT like I hadn't even just phoned a friend, "YES!"

canyonwalker: Roll to hit! (d&d)
Today we played D&D again. It was the second full session of my game, The Collector's Menagerie. After an action-packed session 2 weeks ago where the group got through a lot of challenges today they.... Well, it's not so much that they "hit the skids" as that they fell over laughing.

The Collector's Menagerie, a D&D adventure I created (Feb 2026)

The laughs today came from two things. First, I came up with names for the menagerie of monsters they're fighting in the mansion. No, I don't mean names like "Sammy the Stirge". I mean names like... if you saw these monsters at a zoo, what would the placards in front of their cages say? Because part of the story here is that these monsters literally have cages. And they were put there by a collector... who wanted to show them off. Hence they'd have labels!

The group came back upstairs out of the basement and ventured into the Gallery next. The gallery is the large room where the collector literally had most of his exotic monsters displayed in cages. And because the collector was a bit snooty— I mean, if you've got exotic monsters in display cages between your Hall and your Ballroom you're going to want to be snooty about it— I decided the placards would be in an ancient language known only to the most learned scholars. Ergo, for roleplaying props, they're in Latin.

But how do you say "Owlbear" in Latin? I punted... and marked the cage "Ursa Noctua". Bear-owl. 😂

One of the PCs is actually fluent in my game's ancient scholarly language. And the players had fun trying to guess the monsters from their high school Latin lessons before his character translated them. I gave them these 6 monster labels:


  • Ursa Noctua : Bear owl (Owlbear)

  • Versipellis Furtivus : Sneaky Skin-changer (Mimic)

  • Arinerum Magni : Large Spiders

  • Aves Sanguinarii : Blood-drinking Birds (Stirges)

  • Scutigera Cadaverosa : Carrion Crawler

  • Belua Excrementum : Shit Elephant


To preserve an element of mystery there were two cages with missing labels.

The group choked a bit on the Sneaky Skin-changer— which they interpreted (correctly) as a Mimic, a classic D&D monster. They kind of assumed it, anyway, the moment they saw the treasure chest with fangs chasing someone in the cover pic (above).

The group really choked on Large Spiders. Even worse than worrying aloud that every piece of furniture they came across could be a Mimic, they fretted that there might be spiders ready to drop down on them from the shadowy recesses of the high ceilings. 🕷ï¸

The one I thought was funniest, though, was the last one in the list. The Shit Elephant.

The closest I could find in Latin for an Otyugh is Belua Excrementum. Shit Elephant. 🤣 (Feb 2026)

I came up with that monster's Latin in-game ancient language name, Belua Excrementum, by starting with the name we came up with when the group fought it in the last session, Shit Monster. "Shit" translates obviously to excrementum, but "monster".... In Latin, "monster" really refers to a thing of enormous size. Like "jumbo". "I have a monster headache" is like saying, "I have a jumbo headache." And the word for very large thing happens to be the word for elephant. Belua. So the Otyugh got the Latin name Shit Elephant. 💩ðŸ˜ðŸ¤£


canyonwalker: Uh-oh, physics (Wile E. Coyote)
Airlines and hotels have been sending me "The Year in Review" messages this past week. My gut reaction each time has been, "WTF?  2025 ended months ago!" But nope, it's only January 19. They're not that late. It only feels like 2026 began months ago because we've already had, like, three or four manufactured political crises in the US this year. (And that's just in two weeks. Sigh. It's going to be a long year.)

The 2025 travel summary that hit today made me laugh. This one's from a hotel brand family, Choice, that I seldom stay at.

I've achieved... NOTHING. Way to go! (Jan 2026)

Woohoo, in 19 years with them I've achieved Non-elite status. That means I've achieved nothing. I'm so glad they're trying to make me feel special about that. Way to go, me! 🤣

canyonwalker: wiseguy (Default)
2025 was the Year of AI. Content generated by AI started popping up everywhere. I even used it a bit myself. But just a bit, because one thing that was blindingly obvious in the Year of AI— obvious to anyone really paying attention, anyway— is that AI can produce some laughably silly results.

For example, some of my colleagues went big into using AI image generation to illustrate slide presentations a few months ago. I couldn't help but point out, publicly, when a person (in the picture) who was the subject of the story had, say, 3 arms, or when they had a laptop showing our product on its screen while the screen was bent around the wrong way. Maybe that makes me a bad person. But I've always been the one dumbass who, when the emperor strides onto the stage stark-fucking-naked, nudges people next to me and says out loud, "Look, the emperor's wearing no clothes!" And more to the point here, if we don't object to AI slop right now, its' going to become normalized and we're going to be completely inundated with it in 2026.

Anyway, this journal entry isn't supposed to be a screed against AI. I'm writing to share some in-the-know humor about some of the funny results AI image gen gives us.

A few months ago I used Google's Gemini image gen to illustrate panels for a story I wrote on my blog. It's the one I only finally finished yesterday: The Mystery of the Church Up the Hill. One of the images I created was of my father painting the inside of the church he attended decades ago. I wrote a prompt like

A man is painting the walls in a Catholic church. He is in his 30s and is dressed in clothes fashionable in the early 1970s.


And the first result was....

Disco Jesus paints his church. Funny AI rendering fail from Google Gemini. (Oct 2025)

Disco Jesus! 🤣

I literally gave this prompt next:

The man is not Jesus.


To its credit, the image generator came back with a new image that did not have the son of god painting his own church after rising from the dead inside a vintage clothing shop. 🤣

Ultimately there were more things wrong with the pic than just "My dad doesn't look like Jesus", so I prompted the AI to start over. On my second try I used a few more terms to describe the aspects of the scene I thought were most salient. I got the image I used in the story I shared yesterday.

AI rendering of a man painting a church (Google Gemini, Oct 2025)

Was the final image I went with at all like the church my dad painted? No. But it conveyed the parts of the story I thought were appropriate. Including a few key elements of my dad's appearance: age, body shape, hair color, and glasses. One thing I couldn't get right in a handful of prompts was managing to dress my dad like a dork from the early 70s. Gemini kept taking the "early 1970s" prompt as making my dad look like a dork who dressed up to go disco dancing. Though I can see now that Dad would've looked pretty sharp— for a dork— in Chelsea boots and a leather vest!

canyonwalker: I'm holding a 3-foot-tall giant cheese grater - Let's make America grate again! (politics)
This week I read a hilarious article in The Atlantic: Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to Be Declared Honorary Virus. It's satire, of course, making of the fun nutty, conspiracy theory-spouting health secretary Donald Trump appointed as part of his kakistocracy. "The ceremony will feature roadkill hors d’oeuvres, goblets of beef tallow, and a sewage plunge," the subheader reads— referencing some of the ridiculous things Kennedy has said/done in office.

The line that really got me laughing out loud was this one: “Where other Kennedys mindlessly rushed to broaden access to health care, advocate peace, or improve children’s circumstances, only RFK Jr. had the courage to take a step back and say, ‘Let’s hear the other side.’”

canyonwalker: wiseguy (Default)
Yesterday this Area Man discovered a Simple Trick to Overcome the Drear of Getting Up Early on Dark Winter Mornings, Before the Sun Rises:

Don't.

Yes, it's that's simple. 🤣

Rather than get up with my 6:45am alarm when the sky is still dark, I slept in until 7:30. By then the sun was rising in the sky (well, actually, it was overcast, but at least by then it was a bright overcast) and it was so much easier to get up.

Hate getting up early? Just sleep in. It's easy! 🙃

canyonwalker: Uh-oh, physics (Wile E. Coyote)
There's a classic line from the 1975 movie Jaws. After the titular great white shark appears on the screen for the first time, actor Roy Schneider turns to the sailors hunting the monster and dead-pans, "You're going to need a bigger boat."

I'm not sure that line was all that big when the movie was first released in 1975, or even a few years later when it was making the rounds through theaters again and became popular among my childhood friends, but in recent years it has become a meme.

"You're going to need a bigger boat" - Roy Schneider in Jaws (1975)

And, OMG, this movie is now 50 years old, and a throwaway, ad-libbed line from it is an Internet meme?

Yes, the line was unscripted. Behind-the-scenes stories tell us that the actors and crew were frustrated about the small boat used for filming scenes at sea. They felt the producers were being excessively cheap because the small size made it hard to work with given all the things involved in filming— the cameras, lights, microphones, and all the crew to operate them. "You're/We're going to need a bigger boat" became a running joke among the film crew, who repeated it every time the small watercraft made their work difficult to do.

Then actor Roy Schneider, playing the police chief in the story, ad-libbed the line during filming the scene where the great white shark, Jaws, appeared on camera for the first time. The cast and crew LOLed. Director Steven Spielberg thought it was funny, too— though without the guffaws from behind the camera. He worked it into the movie with some extra footage to set up the (now classic) line properly.

So, here we are 50 years later now, and this line just became relevant to me, personally. We're going to need a bigger fridge!

We're going to need a bigger fridge! (Oct 2025)

That's what I said to Hawk the other night after we'd ordered in pizza. Mine had come in an oversized box (hers was smaller). When I went to put the leftovers in the fridge, using the original boxes for simplicity sake, mine was a few inches too wide to fit into our generously sized side-by-side refrigerator!

Of course we didn't buy a new fridge. 🤣 I mean, the characters in the movie were facing a killer shark, and they didn't buy a new boat. All I'm facing here is half a leftover pizza. 🤣 I stacked the slices on a small baking pan and wrapped it in foil to keep for a day or two.

canyonwalker: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Travel! (planes trains and automobiles)
Phoenix Getaway travelog #13
Back home · Tue, 22 Sep 2025. 6:30pm

It's around 6:30pm on Tuesday and we're home now from our Phoenix 4-day getaway. Yeah, we left after a half day today; maybe not even. We bailed from the hotel pools at noon, checked out before 1pm, had plenty of time at the airport, landed just after 5pm, and were home before 6. Now I'm unpacked and have had a chance to relax. That's the short version of it, anyway. The long version? Yeah, there's some funny stories to tell.

First, no, we didn't bail right after a slow morning waiting for the sun to come out. That was Monday morning. I'm skipping over a few half-finished blogs in my backlog to push this one out to set the context in case I need to start writing about something else, like, I dunno, work, this week.

12¢ for Electrons

I posted as part of this trip that our rental car was an electric vechicle, a Hyundai Ioniq 5. In that blog I mostly complained about how cumbersome and expensive it is to recharge an EV if you don't own it. Well, I decided since we weren't doing too much driving around Phoenix, just a handful of short trips, I wouldn't need more electrons than the full charge it came with. I decided I'd pay whatever cost the rental company charges for a recharge. Yeah, I figured they'd charge me more for the convenience, but given how inconvenient it is to sign up for a single charge at a commercial charging station I figured it'd be worth it.

It's was 12 cents.

"Oh, 12 cents per kilowatt hour?" I asked when the attendant at the rental depot told me that. "That's a great rate. The commercial stations I found with your app were $0.48/kwh and higher without a big up-front subscription."

No, he meant it was 12 cents. Total.

That's what the bill showed, anyway. Fuel charge: $0.12.

I'm sure either the staffer punched something in wrong or the rental company has its POS systems programmed wrong. We'll see if they come back with a bigger charge later as a correction.

An Easier Way to Fly. And the Lady in Seat 2D has a Mouse.

We reached the airport terminal with over an hour to pass before our flight would start boarding. Hawk went to the gate while I stopped for a late lunch outside security. We met up again at the gate, with plenty of time to spare.

It's always kind of boring sitting around the airport. Once aboard the flight we were already pretty much at peak boredom so I pulled out our stuffed hawk, "Winter", for us to play with. Hawk buckled him in to the seat between us for takeoff.

Get in, losers. We're going migrating! (Sep 2025)

Later I perched Winter on my knee. He didn't get quite as much attention there as Baldy did on our flight home from Toronto a few weeks ago. Maybe that's because Winter is smaller. Or maybe it's because I wasn't in seat 1D where everyone boarding could see him.

Late in the flight I noticed the lady sitting across the aisle and half a row up from me giving me a lot of side-eye. Then I noticed that she was holding in her hands a stuffed mouse toy. Haha, red tail hawks totally eat mice! I thought about telling her Winter wouldn't prey on her mouse without our permission but I wasn't sure how much she wanted to play along with the stuffed animal circle of life. 🤣

$104 to Park in the Nosebleed Section

I groused on the front end of this trip about the terrible parking spot I got at the airport. Understand, this isn't simply, "Wanh, airports are expensive!" or, "Wanh! I had a long walk!" This is a situation where it's like I paid for seats near home plate at the ball game then got stuck up in the nosebleed section.

And this is after walking across more than 4/5 of the lot! (Sep 2025)

Well, when we landed this afternoon at SJC airport it was even more obvious how bad our parking spot was. The lot on Tuesday afternoon was only about 2/3 full, and only a scattering of cars were out in the nosebleed spaces. And BTW, in the photo above I've already walked across at least 4/5 of the lo before snapping the picture. That's our car out by the fence at the far end. And we paid $104 for that space.

Well, I guess if we average it with 12 cents for electrons it comes out to a reasonable price. 😂

canyonwalker: wiseguy (Default)
I stopped by CVS on my lunch break yesterday to buy a few things. I couldn't help but notice what the person in front of me at checkout had on the conveyor belt:

The person in front of me at CVS seems to be buying a nutritious lunch (Sep 2025)

Yeah, that looks like a nutritious lunch right there! 🤣

Of course, I had to keep a straight face while in line because I was standing behind her with a whole tote bag full of booze. You see, the only two things I buy at CVS anymore— because they're the only two things CVS offers good prices on— are prescription drugs and sale booze.

canyonwalker: wiseguy (Default)
Canada travelog #5
Toronto, ON · Sat, 23 Aug 2025. 4pm.

Did you think I had my sarcasm on during my previous blog about (s)trolling through an art gallery? Oh, those were just the first few rounds. To quote Captain America, I can do this all day.

I did feel a little bad, though, that I was pissing on something our host was sincerely interested in. But my sarcasm was fueled in part by my resentment at what I considered his poor judgment in hosting. Long-lost relatives have traveled thousands of miles, at considerable cost to themselves, to see family thought dead for 3 generations, and his idea of a family reunion activity is, "Let's visit an art gallery together"? Especially a modern art gallery? ...Modern art being essentially a reverse intelligence test to figure out who's sharp enough to say, "No, this is mostly bullshit."

Well, while most of the rest of the group was acting like appropriate cowed peasants in the vaunted MoDeRn ArT GaLLeRy, my brother-in-law and I continued carrying on about how the emperor was still wearing no clothes. I've got to give our host credit, though. While Marty I and continued to snark about something he clearly loved, he continued to gently, and without offense, serenade us with notes about what we were seeing. I had to respect his patience. If this guy was tedious, he was at least professor emeritus of tedium. 🤣

I did kind of let him have it with both barrels in one of the exhibits. I think it was his favorite artist.

My thoughts on a (s)troll through the Art Gallery of Ontario (Aug 2025)

After a few hours of strolling— and trolling— at the Art Gallery of Ontario some in our party were ready for a meal. I wasn't hungry as I'd eaten right before getting to the museum. That's a pro tip I learned as a kid while being dragged to bullshit museums. Always eat first. But I was ready for a drink. This art gallery, to its credit, had a fully stocked bar at the front!

The gallery bar, unfortunately, was closed for the afternoon when we got to the front. That puzzled me a bit.... The bar was open at lunch. It was closed at 4pm. Ergo: gallery goers are day drinkers?

Perhaps the art teacher heard me half-joking about how I was ready for 2 fingers of Scotch. We ended up going across the street to the Village Idiot.

The Village Idiot pub in Toronto (Aug 2025)

The Village Idiot is a pub. 🤣 And I think the actual reason we landed there was not because anyone cared about me saying viewing modern art makes me turn to drink— though that would be apropos as from what I've seen most modern artists have drinking or other drug problems— but because the Village Idiot also serves food and is the closest non-ethnic restaurant to the museum.

Knocking back first one, then two, 20s of imported beer while sharing a plate of wings with my mother-in-law and her long-lost cousin-in-law, Ruth, was a nice cap to the afternoon. BTW, it's comical to me that MIL and Ruth are related only by marriage, not blood, because they look like they could be sisters.

Speaking of Ruth, as she knocked back one of those tall boys of beer— I was a bit buzzed after two and I'm nearly three times her size—she tried to apologize for the art teacher "boring" us with his lessons. I smiled and shared how I'm impressed the borer took no visible offense to my responses. 🤣

canyonwalker: WTF? (wtf?)
Canada travelog #4
Toronto, ON · Sat, 23 Aug 2025. 4pm.

This afternoon we met the first of Hawk's long-lost relatives in Canada to visit an art gallery. It turns out they were never "long lost" in the sense of having been stranded on a deserted island. It's more like her great-grandfather, when he emigrated from Latvia to the United States in the late 1800s or early 1900s, lost contact with his entire family. He told his descendants, when they asked about their relatives in the Old World, "They're all dead." 😳💀🤦 It's not clear why he told his children and grandchildren this. They believed him, though, as between the Russians and the Nazis it was totally plausible all their relatives in Latvia had been murdered by 1945.

Anyway, the art gallery. I thought touring a local art gallery together was a weird way to say, "Hey, our family has been split for 4 generations, let's get back together," but I decided I would try not to challenge things too much. Modern art has a way of inviting challenge, though. And by the time I was even near the Art Gallery of Ontario (AGO) I found it impossible to bite my acerbic tongue.

"We're next to the sculpture of an elephant," my inlaws texted me.

Officially this sculpture is called "Two Forms" by Henry Moore in Grange Park, Toronto (Aug 2025)

"This looks like a modern-art elephant," I texted back, including a picture of the above.

That sculpture, BTW, is titled "Large Two Forms". It's in Toronto's Grange Park next to the AGO.

My inlaws sent their address by naming the streets there were standing at the corner of instead of just saying "The elephant." When we met up I saw this elephant:

Sculpture of an elephant designed to look like it's made from... yes, leather chairs. Art Gallery of Ontario. (Aug 2025)

"So, somebody saw a pile of discarded leather chairs and cushions at a junkyard and thought, 'These look like an elephant!''" I asked.

Yes, they look like an elephant, my inlaws assured me.

"My elephant looks better," I challenged them. "Plus, I reject your orthodoxy that all elephants have four legs that reach from the ground all the way up to their bodies."

Modern art. ðŸ§ðŸ¤ªðŸ¤£

While Hawk's parents couldn't bring themselves to see things my way, her brother appreciated my view.

"Artists are, by-and-large, people with untreated mental illness or deep personality flaws who find wealthy patrons to fund their ideas... but not psychiatric help," I quipped.

"Shh!" Marty scolded. "You're saying the quiet part out loud!"

Marty then invited me to join him in analyzing a fire hose in one of the gallery rooms as if it were art.

"The loops of hose hung together show order in the face of chaos," I mused. "Though the negative space above the hoses is unbalanced by a tight border with the frame on the other three sides. The technique here is weak."

Do you think I'm being too hard on modern art? Well, consider this centerpiece in the room as we rounded the corner from the fire hose:

I think this artist went camping and was equally inspired by a picnic table and a wild elk and so sculpted both together. Art Gallery of Ontario. (Aug 2025)

"It's as if the artist went camping and was equally inspired by both a picnic table and an elk, and decided to sculpt a combination of the two!" I said breathlessly.

"Either that, or this is a prop from a rejected scene in the 1982 movie The Thing."

Do you think those snarky ideas are too outlandish? Try this real explanation (paraphrased) from a placard in the room:

The piece is entitled Can't We All Just Get Along and evokes the pervasive racism in the United States exposed in the 1982 Rodney King riot in Los Angeles.


Now, tell me. If those three explanations, my two plus the one about Rodney King, were offered up in TV game show where a contestant is told 3 stories about an item, two of which are lies and only one of which is the truth, how likely would you pick Option C as the truth?

Also, maybe Canadian artists concerned about racism could confront their own country's racist history instead of banging their pots about the US. Our current toddler-president and his supporters notwithstanding, there are plenty in the US who understand and criticize the shameful parts of our history. It's a level of honest introspection I have seen in literally no other country I've visited.


canyonwalker: wiseguy (Default)
I've had an on-again, off-again relationship with Subway (the restaurant) over the years. I really enjoy hot, Italian-American subs like a meatball sub. Subway's not the best place for this, but often it's the best place around. Like, when I lived in New York for 4 years, I ate at Subway all of about 3 times because there was almost always someplace better for a hot sub within a block or two of wherever I was. But since I left New York years ago that's seldom been the case, so Subway has become part of my weekly regular rotation for lunchtime restaurants.

Until recently, that is. At this point I haven't eaten at Subway in a few months.

Why? What changed?

"No, Pepsi is NOT okay. I'll have an iced tea."

Pepsi is what changed.

For years Subway had served Coke products. Last year they inked a 10-year deal with Pepsi to serve Pepsi products instead. The change was due to hit by the start of this year, though it wasn't until a few months ago that the soda fountain was swapped out in the restaurant near me. The first time I ate there after Pepsi was installed was the last time I ate there. (And I drank iced team instead of Pepsi because, No, Pepsi is not okay.)

Would I really choose not to dine at a restaurant just because they've got the "wrong" soda? You bet! And this is not even the first time. Last year I quit dining at The Habit burger restaurant when they switched to Pepsi. It had been a regular weekly haunt of mine up until that. There really is that much of a difference in taste— and enjoyment— to me with Coke v. Pepsi. And especially with Diet Coke/Coke Zero v. Diet Pepsi. The difference is way more pronounced with the sugar-free stuff.

Yesterday I decided to give Subway another try. ...No, not to give Pepsi another try; I planned drinking iced tea instead. But the Subway was closed! My first thought was, "OMG, I wonder if enough people are Pepsi refusers like me that the restaurant lost so much business it had to shut down!!" 🤣

canyonwalker: wiseguy (Default)
There's a water leak in our condo complex. These happen frequently with the landscape irrigation system; squirrels and other critters chew chew the half-buried plastic pipes. This leak seemed a bit more persistent than a landscaping pipe, though. Water was leaking steadily, not just for the 15 or 30 minutes a day that the irrigation system runs. Concern about the problem led to a robust discussion in our neighborhood email forum.

"Supergirl has looked at the water leak", the HOA president assured us.

That was certainly an autocorrect mistake. 🤣 Our landscaper's name is somewhat similar, at least in terms of how autocorrect works, to "Supergirl". But I couldn't resist picturing this...

Supergirl the plumber - generated by Gemini AI (Jun 2025)

...with the help of Google's Gemini AI.

That's right, AI. The thing that's going to take all of our jobs in a few years. We'll be sitting at home, surviving off our unemployment checks— at least for the 13 weeks those last— but we'll be able to entertain ourselves by prompting AI to draw pictures making light of our woes!

I made that first picture with a simple prompt like, "Draw a comic book style picture of Supergirl as a plumber." I then refined it a bit to include cues about where the leak is in our neighborhood and got this:

Supergirl the plumber - generated by Gemini AI (Jun 2025)


canyonwalker: Better Call Saul starring Bob Odenkirk (better call saul)
Yesterday I wrote about a con Jimmy McGill and ride-or-die friend Kim Wexler pull against a prosecutor in Better Call Saul ep. 4.08 to get her to reduce the charges against Jimmy's associate, Huell Babineaux. At Kim's suggestion Jimmy wrote a bunch of letters as a fake letter-writing campaign from ordinary citizens of Huell's hometown, attesting to what a wonderful person Huell is and promising the judge to come protest his unjust prosecution at trial. The judge tells the prosecutor to offer a plea bargain to keep the case away from trial. The prosecutor, suspecting the syrupy sweet letters of being phony, takes them back to her office and sets her team to investigate them.

This is where Jimmy is three steps ahead of them.

First, those letters from people in Coushatta, Louisiana are all mailed from Coushatta— a real town. Jimmy traveled there by bus to post the letters from the tiny town's post office.

Next, many of the letter included phone numbers for the people who supposedly wrote them. Those phone numbers....?

Jimmy and his TV crew trick a prosecutor to save Huell from jail (Better Call Saul ep. 4.08)

Remember Jimmy— actually he did this as Saul— the phone salesman from a few episodes ago? Yeah, those phone numbers are all real. They go to a bank of phones Jimmy purchased and set up in his office. And he's hired his 3 member film crew of UNM students, including "Drama Girl", his script-writing and makeup consultant, to answer the phones. They put on laughably thick Cajun accents and downhome mannerisms as they impersonate eah of the letter writers the ADA and her staff check up on. Jimmy himself lays it on thick as the pastor of the Free Will Baptist Church, while "Sound Guy" plays a recording of church organ music in the background.

Oh, and Free Will Baptist Church? You know the prosecutor and her team are going to Google that. They're not idiots. But again, Jimmy is ahead of them. And the showrunners hid an Easter egg.

Better Call Saul easter egg - real website for phony Free Will Baptist Church (screencap Apr 2025)

The prosecutor's team pulls up the church's webpage. It's got a photo carousel of Huell Babineux being thanked by various members of the community— including firefighters thanking him for rescuing senior citizens from a burning building. The prosecutor, at this point, gives up. She contacts Kim to offer a plea bargain.

When I saw this come up on a laptop screen in the show, following the crazy accents on the phones, I was practically crying with laughter. Then after watching the episode I discovered something even better— an Easter egg.

That pic from the website? It's not a a screen-cap from the TV series; it's a screenshot I made by visiting https://www.freewill-baptistchurch.com. Yes, the Free Will Baptist Church of Coushatta, Louisiana is fake... but it has a real website we fans can visit!

The main page has the aforementioned photo carousel of Huell Babineaux (Lavell Crawford) and his many charitable acts. The "Testimonials" page has 3 audio recordings of the Better Call Saul cast pretending to be small town parishioners. If you call the number on the website, you hear a recording of Bob Odenkirk's hilarious rendition of a Cajun preacher. And the "Donate" button really works— though it redirects to a real, legit charity, the Food Bank of Louisiana.

canyonwalker: Sullivan, a male golden eagle at UC Davis Raptor Center (Golden Eagle)
A few days ago I blogged about "Fun with Stuffed Animals": amusing myself— and sometimes my spouse— by posing our stuffed animals and making up stories about what they're doing. The inspirations for that blog were a Treant giving people the finger and a meal for our hawks. When Hawk read that blog she was amused all over again, including some of the links she clicked through which went back many years, such as finding rocks in a Tylenol bottle and "*In this picture the role of my wife is played by one of our stuffed animals, 'Sassy''.

Playing around with stuffed animals is a daily thing. I mean, every day is another opportunity for stuffed animal soap opera. That snake we bought as a treat for Winter? He's already shared it around to curry favor with other hawks in the house. Currently Phoenix has it.

Our red-tail hawk hand puppet, "Phoenix", gets a meal (Apr 2025)

Phoenix is a Folkmanis hand puppet. She's a "clone" of the first hawk we had. Originally these hawks came with a snake. There's a bit of velcro in their beaks to hold onto it. Phoenix came second-hand without a snake. So part of our thinking was to get her another snake. This one's bigger than the original snake, though, so it doesn't stick well in her beak.

Why do I share this? Well, aside from it being amusing, it's also prodded us to buy another hawk. Hawk was so inspired that she went on eBay to see if there's another Folkmanis red-tail listed. She found two and bought one. So soon we'll have another clone. Shh, don't tell Phoenix, she'll think she's being replaced!


canyonwalker: Sullivan, a male golden eagle at UC Davis Raptor Center (Golden Eagle)
My partner and I like to have fun with our stuffed animals. ...Okay, it's mostly me. I enjoy posing them in situations and telling stories about what they're doing, and she mostly finds it funny. Mostly. For example: hawk on her dragon's hoard of beads, hawk on a hoard of coins, Hawkes wine tasting, learning we'd mis-gendered an eagle.

We're not into just any stuffed animals, though; or even the common ones. We have a lot of hawks because they're my partner's namesake. Hawks are hard to find, though. Owls? Slightly easier. But owls suck.

Where can one find stuffed hawks? We keep our eyes open. Sometimes we find a beautiful hawk in the darnedest place.  We like to check out visitor centers at national/state parks because that's where we have a better chance of finding such toys— or "liberating a hawk", as Hawk calls it. When we visited Amicalola Falls in Georgia a few weeks ago we saw one or two hawks that we already own copies of... but we saw two other interesting stuffed animals.

For the first time ever I saw an Ent or Treant— or "Enchanted Tree" as manufacturer Folkmanis labels it. I presume they went with that generic name to avoid licensing issues with whatever global megacorps currently own the rights to Tolkien's works and Dungeons and Dragons, though a quick web search I did indicates that the words "Ent" and "Treant" are not trademarked and have been ruled by the courts to be in the public domain.

Folkmanis makes stuffed animals that aren't just stuffed animals but hand puppets. Our first hawk ever was a Folkmanis red tail hawk, a treasured gift that sadly wore out after enough years and had to be sent to the great aerie in the sky. Though we did find another copy of the Folkmanis red-tail hawk on eBay a few years ago.

I had fun checking out this "Enchanted Tree" hand puppet. I made a short video showing how, as I discovered, you can put your fingers in the branches atop the tree's head and move them around. ...And this bad-attitude Treant can give you the finger!

Now, laughing at rude poses with hand puppets wasn't the only thing we did at the park's gift shop. While we did see a hawk or two there and they were ones we already own better versions of, we did find a hawk "accessory"— a snake!

We bought the snake as gift for our hawks to play with.

Our toy hawk "Winter" catches a snake (Apr 2025)

Here's one of our red-tail hawk toys, "Winter", enjoying his new toy/meal as a reward for waiting patiently in the back of the car as we were out hiking. 🤣

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